Returning to Innocence
"Three or four threads may be agitated, like telegraph wires, at the same time, and if I were tap them allI I would reveal such a mixture of innocence and duplicity, generosity and calculation, fear and courage, I cannot tell the whole truth simply because I would have to write four journals all at once."
Anais Nin
What lays beneath what you see, holds our deepest secrets, the rawest aspects of our vulnerability, that we often hide from the world. The final threads of 'Rejection and Abandonment', and all related to my body image, will I still be as loveable, still be desired and beautiful without engorged fake breasts....
Whilst bringing my memoir into completion in 2019, 'Breaking Free', No more Soul Suffocation, it became a realisation why I had been so obsessed with breasts from a very young age. My Dad choosing his own path, and leaving to live with whom became his new wife, my step mum, who is a lovely human.
She was large breasted and I created a belief which grew into a story in my mind that big breasted women were more desirable.
If I have large breasts he will never leave me.
(a seed in a child's mind, that grew into obsession.)
My 30th Birthday Gift to me
At 30 years old I bought bilateral silicone breast implants. I was bodybuilding at the time and wanting the FULL Package in competing Figure competitions.
At 30 years, my self-esteem was low with unhealthy body image (dysmorphia). Bodybuilding showed me ways to design and shape my body. The fellow nurses on my orthopaedic ward where I worked bought me a FCUK T-shirt to celebrate my new puppies.
"Fit Chick Unbelievable Knockers'
I was super fit and for the first time in my life, had big breasts. I loved them as they became EM-bodied as me.
Gratitude to breast feeding two healthy babies, yes, with breasts implants. Both are confident, amazing young men in their own uniqueness. (teenagers)
I've been photographed nude and in lingerie for my own sensual empowerment and 'embracing my body.' I've never hid this from my children as it was a part of my self-expression and the path I was guiding others on. I gave them control over what I posted, and this opened up many conversations.
This was empowering, raising boys to be men!
I've inspired many to embrace their bodies and have confidence in their unique design. I wrote and talked about sexuality for many years and this was a key aspect shifting back to innocence and the power of pure life force, that we have within all of us.
It has been a journey of learning to 'love the skin I am in.' Which began with learning to embrace my full feminine pinky essence in, the second in the trilogy series, 'Wildflower' - Reclaiming a Sacred Place'.
My life has been about healing embodiment, and hence why;
The Embodiment Coach fits.
Yet, they are not REAL.
With a full embodied healthy self-esteem, self-worth and rock solid body confidence, it is time and healthier for them to go!
Yup, 21 years... is a long love affair with them. The process has begun and I have grieved as they have become a part of my body. In the 21 years, my natural breast tissue grew and I will design with my mind.
They have been suffocating my heart.
'Soul Suffocation' - final threads of Breaking Free!
Scar tissue restricting yoga postures.
My heart ready to open, and to be met.
To be seen, held and loved, as I AM.
The last few days, asking the question
'What do you want Zoe?'
Questions deep into my heart.
And SHE is expressing fearlessly.
Update on Workshops / Events
I shifted the Adelaide workshop 'Sacred rage', to 2023, to give attention to my health, inner wellbeing as I was feeling exhausted. It has been an emotional time of coming into deeper acceptance and understanding.
I am sitting with fresh ideas to REFINE as that is what we do as creators, allowing fresh downloads to come through as much of my perspective has shifted.
I am Unplugging more diving into the depths of my heart & soul.
Behind the scenes building The Future HueMan Experience, came into.a completion (3-4 months of design, webinar, 55 video creations and it is ready to share with the world.
I have surrendered as nothing can be forced. I am allowing into expansion as my body expands within every cell as my chest (heart) becomes freer!
To all women out there.
No matter what is removed, or lost YOU will always be a WOMAN.
Whole - complete & beautiful badass Goddesses,
You are magical creations in your natural essence.
Welcoming feminine softness in my breasts.
Will they sag? I don't know, and I courageously trust.
They currently sit high upon my chest.
Most that breast feed sag a little, it's called gravity.
The responses i've received has been beautiful from both men and women.
Thank you beautiful humans xo
Vulnerability is Beautiful
A long time gone since 2013, when this was taken and the moto still remains, when you fall, you get back up stronger.
Each time you meet the inner raw depths and you allow your heart to breathe some more. There is a time to see what is hurting you by being in denial for what is not healthy in the body.
RETURNING to INNOCENCE.
Your journey is your own.
Zoe- Anna x
