Tell me your story?

by Zoe Anna Bell
Tell me your story….

 

A question that is an important one and yet one I have the most challenges with answering. This week i've had the opportunity of being interviewed which I am grateful for. It is also a week that old aspects of self ready to go have been dropping away. I live life and share from my direct experiences and this moment the emotions arise to spill onto the fresh canvas. 

 

Here is my free stye writing as I have a conversation with my heart and mind playing tick tac toe!

 

The voice inside asks, ‘which one?’ 

The ego starts dribbling in excitement as it wants to have centre stage. 

 

Then, the spinning out inside…

Who am I, who the fuck am I when I have shifted beyond the story? 

I am love - I am presence - I am that I am. 
The I am has no story, it simply is….
Yet, this is not what people want as they want to connect emotionally as the speaker. If I share something safe and less traumatic is that enough? Is there such a thing as less or more than? No, trauma is trauma and each experience can be a defining moment. 
And, the question:
Is the story relevant to all I am being now? 

 

I didn't choose a story and yet, each defined my life in who I am today. 

 

Did I undersell myself from being so abstract?

Did I sacrifice vulnerability by not sharing an impactful story?

Hello ‘Inner critic’

 

The stories blurred into a time so long ago, trauma upon trauma, loss upon loss.. like s stack of cards that in this sweet moment along, I am allowing the stack of cards to come crumbling down. 

 

In this now, I am loving messy, smudged mascara upon flushed pink cheeks. 

Ah, the rich depths of the heart a gift to share so others taste the richness. 

Hello, inner critic here is a seat at the table..

I see you, I love you… I got you. 

The canvas cleared so many times, moments becoming chapters in a book, experiences like colours smudged into one another. 

I marvel at the blank wall of rich potentiality as a deep inner knowing of all that’s being created. 

How grateful and blessed I am. 

I shared in private one of the impactful stories of my life post the interview, as it shares a resemblance to another speakers. Yet, it is from a different view point of the direct experience. Gratitude for the tears that followed as the anniversary of his death comes near. 

My  heart bleeds an old memory, etched upon my soul. 

I am sorry, that I could not save your life. 

The cycles of life often repeat until we gain the insight where pivotal moments /events happen around the same time, every year! The 7-cycles of a spiral of our Souls Destiny that we are gifted with to navigate. To see it all so clearly why all happened as it did, and in 2019, I began a different patterning as I changed the inner programming. 

 

I think back to the question of;

'What was a defining moment in your life?' 

How nice to be able to choose one single event.

However, beautiful soul, you choose this path to experience it all. 

 

It is like a movie & a cross-stitch quilt within many colours, scenes glued together with happy moments whilst in-between grasping at the fragility & magic of life. I am seeing how each link together in some obscure way. 

The Story was ‘who I thought I was’, the false self seeking validation and attention by sharing as I carried it around on my sleeve and told it to everyone I met. This is by no means to diminish anyone's story as we are each unique. 

 

I understand it is human to want to know who you are. 

I thought I had shifted it all and today, I opened the box to allow more of the old me to drop away and die.  I welcome the tears and embrace the parts of me that feel unseen, unheard or invisible. How can I share in a way to deepen understanding of the human experience?

Do I want to be known for one thing?
No. 

 

This has been the challenge throughout life.

Even some sniggering and remarking.

‘Wow, Zoe, what haven’t you experienced?’ 

 

The path of the ‘Freaky Genius' often looks like a freak show to the observer, and yet, they if give the choice would not walk in your shoes. 
It all played a role to awaken the gifts within the darkness.  Feeling invisible one moment and then a room wanting to touch you, if super odd and strange to experience. 

 

I invite you to read my story, 'Breaking Free'- No more soul suffocation.

It is my memoir which goes up to my life till 2019, as there is a story beyond then that is ever evolving. It is a HOW to BREAK FREE of your story. 

 

Who am I?

I am LOVE

I am PEACE

I am that I am 

I am existence 

I AM. 

Back to Tell me your story.