Storms, Shadows & Self-Love: Integrating After the Solstice

I dove headfirst into another dark night of the soul — no floaties, just a tidal wave of tears, my yoga mat as lifeboat, and the tender embrace of solitude (aka my sanctuary, the bedroom).

As Above, So Below.
As Within, So Without.

And baby, when it rains, it pours.
Thora came knocking — no, she stormed in — wild-eyed, lightning-fisted and unapologetic. A cyclone of shadow and sensation churning within, dragging me deep, thrashing me awake, and whispering: “Love yourself here too.”

The Trigger: A Simple Question, A Deep Unravelling

I’d just shared my excitement about an upcoming sexy photoshoot — 8 years since the last! Mid-50s, owning it, empowered. And then… one of my friends casually asks:
“Hey, what’s that for?”

Cue the emotional landslide.

Great question, why am I doing it? It is aligned with my brand and path I am now walking? The answer as no. Then, in came the wave.

Shame. Insecurity. Lack of self-worth. Old wounds clawed to the surface.
That one question tore open a thread I thought I’d long buried — the one craving approval, touch, and validation. To feel desired, to excite and stir others. Beneath the rebel scream of “I’ll take my clothes off if I want to!” was a softer voice whispering, “Am I lovable here too?”

And, for what purpose.....

Embracing the Shadow Self

I saw myself — aching, hungry, numb.
Performing. Proving.
Ignoring the whispers of my own body.

Moments of emptiness, looking to feel loved, desired and seen.

I curled around my yoga bolster like a sacred lover, grieving:
– the performer in me
– the times I betrayed my heart
– the version of myself that tolerated the intolerable.

Home Turmoil & the Sacred Boundary Lessons

Home felt like a battlefield. Think: David vs Goliath (yep, I’m David).
Old trauma activated.
Boundaries challenged.
“Stop” ignored.
Hostility met with tears… and my tears met with a smile from the other. Twisted, right?

My nervous system was on red alert.
So I retreated. Recalibrated. Cooked in peace. Ate in peace. Returned to my sanctuary.

Enter: The Digital Storm

Just when I thought the storm had passed…
Facebook hacked.
Three business accounts. Unauthorised ads. Total chaos.

Was it frustrating? Oh yes.
But was it also divine timing?
HELL YES.

A sacred clean-out.
A digital purge.
Clearing old energy, outdated connections, and parasitic patterns.

The Nervous System: Your True Security System

The deeper I heal, the more attuned my body becomes.
Noisy, chaotic energy? Unbearable.
I’ve earned my peace. I will protect it fiercely.

Your nervous system doesn’t lie.
It’s your compass. Your radar.
It senses what no longer belongs.

Completion & Rebirth

That night, I dreamed like I was on a soul mission — 9 years worth in one sleep cycle. Portals closed. Chapters completed. I woke up laughing. Hugging myself. Stretching my wings.

I remembered who the f*ck I am.
I don’t need to perform. I don’t need to prove.
I just need to be.
And being me?
Is more than enough.

Take up as much space as your wings will spread.

Do not dim yourself down!

Integration Reminder:

• Clean the slate.

• Complete what’s unfinished.

• Trust your body.

• Honour your boundaries.

• And always, always come back home to you.

• As, everything comes back to you, to rise stronger, yet softer.

With loving tenderness and soul nourishment xoxo